Posted by: AgingChild | June 6, 2008

Pomp and Circumsgrief

How did she/we get HERE??

I’ve been absent from this blog due to heavy online history-research for a friend – well, acquaintance, really – that I’m still engaged in (more later). But even more so, I’ve been psyching myself up for this morning’s graduation of daughter-two Portia. That’s her up above these still-shaky words of mine, looking very uncharacteristically dazed and out of focus. Those traits are actually entirely mine, because the lens and I misted over together. (Proud family-friend Leona there smiling to the left.) 

I may meditate here tomorrow on this awesome transition, Portia’s scholarship, high honors, etc. But for now – and since just after the lunch following her graduation ceremony, maybe even hours earlier – my heart’s both swelled up and broken in many shards, and I almost can’t. The swelling, of course, is deep paternal pride. And the shattering of my heart is just the thought – a genuine grief, even – of her going far away to college, and all the years and too-few days together now behind us: younger-girl walks, daughter-on-lap, wondrous words of delight in a sweet, sweet voice, and so much more… and O far too little. These are never to be repeated or even relived, yet are also safely stored in my mind’s eye, my wreck of a heart, and the core of my very soul. 

If I could cry as easily as I used to, my face and shirt would be drenched. 

God be with her.

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